Sad...

It hurts my heart when I see my friends doing things that are bad for them. It feels seems lately that I have done an excellent job of picking "best friends" who do just that. This week, I finally cracked and instead of it making me sad, I just got angry. I probably said some things while I was angry that I shouldn't have. . .oops. But ultimately I stand by everything I said, I just should have let them stay thoughts in my head instead of words coming out of my mouth.


I don't like friends that are stupid. Dang it--You know better! You do, I know you do...because when we were closer you never hesitated to criticize people for doing the exact same things that you are doing now.


So...I have come to a conclusion. I hate the things some of my friends do...I hate that they are kind of ruining their lives and they are too close to their own situations to see it....but I guess it's their choice. After all, God gave them free will, just like He did me, all I can do it voice my concerns, and let them make their own decisions. But no matter how much I can't stand what they are doing in their lives--until their bad decisions start to creep into my own life, or until they no longer want to be my friend, only then will I stop being their friend.

I think that disposable friends is a huge problem in our society today. So what if someone doesn't agree with you political views...so what if they do stupid things to themselves? If you really care about your friends, you don't just give up on them. You stick by them, because maybe eventually they will hit rock bottom, and they need someone just like you to bring them back to what is good and right. Or maybe they won't even have to hit rock bottom before they see--hey, my friend...she is living the life I used to...I miss that life, I want to go back.

So I guess all I'm saying is this--Stick with your friends, they may need you and your good influence in your life later.

(This is different than when, say, someone is a jerk and a liar and they hurt you and your other friends and family and yet they blame everyone else for the problems and act like they've never done anything wrong...that's a justifiable reason, in my opinion)

Money money money.

As of late, thoughts of the green have been invading my mind constantly. I hate money in a lot of ways. Money…is valueless…except that societies all around the world have decided it is necessary and they have therefore given it value. Whatever. That’s fine, I mean there has to be some form of commerce in the world, so it’s all good. But ultimately what I hate about money is how people tell you that you have to have it (or at least spend it like you have it) to be worth anything as a person. Now of course, all of you—my logical wonderful friends know better than this, but many people around us do not.

In an effort to develop a healthy working relationship with money, I have started to study it. For example, up until about 4 months ago, I had never considered saving in pretty much my whole life. Not because I have any problems with saving, but I would rather just spend my money. But then, I started to realize that it was definitely a good idea to save—to save money in an emergency fund because emergencies can and do happen; to save to buy a new car or house or other big ticket item, so that the amounts of debt I have in the future can be greatly reduced; to save for retirement, because having a million dollars to retire on is probably going to be an absolute NECESSITY in the future.

But then as I started reading more and more about money…I realized that not only do I want to start saving more or less immediately after college, but I eventually want to invest as well.

But alas, I have all of these aspirations when I have 2 obstacles to consider. Numero Uno…I’m not going to have all that much money at first. PLUS number two—I have ABSOLUTELY no desire to be rich because as I said earlier, I kinda hate money. So I’ve been trying to find the happy medium and I have stumbled upon my new favorite word.


Frugality.

Apparently, there are thousands of people in this country who are doing the very things I want to do, but not by landing the $100k/year “American Dream” job, but rather by reducing or eliminating their debt and living a common-sense life when it comes to spending money. Cool. And living frugally doesn’t mean that you give up all of the finer things in life. If you really want a 50-inch plasma TV or something, then buy it…when you have the money to do so. If you want a new car, get a new car—but make sure you can afford the monthly payments on it without stretching your budget so thin that you give up on your savings plans.

I really like the things I’m learning, it’s quite interesting. If you are even remotely interested, I highly recommend that you check out Smart Spending Blog. It’s a part of msn.com but it has new blogs every day with tips and thoughts about spending your money wisely, and when it’s wisest to be really frugal or when it’s best to really not worry about it so much.

This leads me to my new quote for the week: "Frugality is more than saving a few pennies and becoming debt-free; it's about pursuing your dreams and not someone else's idea of success."

Don’t spend more than you should just because people expect you to. Follow your goals and dreams and find you own, personal brand of success in life…and that doesn’t just apply to your finances.

I have opinion and you should listen to it.

I hate stupid people. And I use the term hate very broadly, mostly they annoy the bejeezos out of me. Here's the dealio. Lately I have noticed with increasing frequency that people use excuses such as stupidity and/or ignorance as a way to get by with being rude.

For example...let's say you make a racist (or racist-ish) remark. Not even something really bad...and the person you say this to happens to be a really nice person and doesn't blow up in your face for your racial stereotyping. Good for them, for being so nice...but you just got away with something that is COMPLETELY unacceptable...on a plea of ignorance. Well, I've got news for you buddy. It is the freaking 21st century. The civil rights movement happened 40 something years ago...that means that discrimination isn't right according to the GOVERNMENT so as far as I'm concerned ignorance is no longer a valid excuse. It's flat out stupidity and you need to get with the times.

This doesn't just apply to racial predjudice either. It words on all levels--sex, gender, religion, sexual orientation (yeah that's right, you need to be nice to homosexuals too), and more. Come on people. Is is really THAT much to ask for you to treat people kindly and with respect? I don't think so.


Seriously, this really bothers me. I mean, I have my own mistakes that I have made in the past and I am learning from them...it happens. But when people repeatedly make stereotypes and sweeping generalizations about any group of people, by they lesbians or Chinese-Americans or whatever, that's just not right dang it.


*** end rant ***

Dreams becoming reality.

For as long as I can remember, it has been one of my dreams in life to graduate from college. When I started on my journey here at SWOSU, I was expecting an experience completely different that what it has been so far. It has been astoundingly better at times, and at other times more difficult than I had ever imagined.

But alas, my dream is quickly becoming a reality...Yesterday I went over to the Bookstore and picked up my cap and gown. Like any other normal-blooded college senior, I HAD to try it on. I sat there, standing in fron of my mirror amazed. I'm really graduating. Wow.

I can't believe how fastly the time has gone by. Freshman year I thought I would be here until May of 2009, then that summer I decided December of 2008, and somewhere along the way everything changed and it is actually happening. I'm graduating this May. It's kind of crazy to me really. I don't think it will really feel real until May 10th has come and gone.

This semester is definitely nuts, so I'm keeping plenty busy to keep my mind off of the imminent ending of my educational career (at least for now, that is). I also found out last week that I am one credit hour short from graduation, so I will have to add another one hour class. haha. I have chosen "Basic Microsoft Word"...it is going to be SO easy. haha.



I have a new quote of the week. Sorry I've been so negligent about those... "If 1000 people tellyou no and you get one yes from God then that's all you need to make it" --Tyler Perry.

The PERFECT Valentine's Day!

This year, I had the most perfect Valentine's day!

Honestly, I'm so lucky and blessed...I have had great Valentine's days for all of my college career.

Freshman year, Jason and I drove to Tulsa for a Casting Crowns concert--which we missed more than half of. hahaha. Then we got lost in Jenks and it was a really great night with one of my best friends.

Last year, Amber and I made cookies and dirty VD cards at the dorm party, then had a fantabulous dinner at Casa Soto. I think that was actually the night before the actual day, but it was still great fun.

This year, I once again was given the most perfect heart day I could have possibly asked for. :) I got to have a really delicious carne asada dinner with my parents, sisters, grandmas, and my aunt Sheila before we headed back to campus to see the Peking Acrobats. My aunt's husband and sons came too, and so I got to hang out with my super funny cousin Brandon and watch the MOST AMAZING show on earth. I freaking LOVE Peking acrobats...This was at least the 4th show I've seen and every single time, I am sitting on the edge of my seat freaking out and like squealing every time they do something dangerous. Seriously--it's amazing. Anyway, I got some funny pictures on my phone, I'll try to upload them sometime. Plus--the last half of the show the Natti Natster was getting tired (it was 2+ hours past her bed time lol) So she sat on my lap and rested on my shoulder. It was sweet. And she's super excited about me going home this weekend which always makes my heart happy. So all in all, I loved today...especially since it's my last Valentine's day around home, so what better way to spend it than with my family. :D Yay.

I hope the rest of you had a wonderful V-day, no matter whether you're single or with someone!

Love ya.

Worries:

I am worried I will be alone forever, but even if I am, that is okay because I am still a great worthwile, important human being.
I am worried about moving to a new city all by myself.
I am worried about how life will be when school is no longer a part of it. Will I get terribly lazy? Will I find peace and contentment, in the working world? What will happen?
I am worried that I will always be ugly, no matter my size.
I am worried that I cannot do it....life that is. What if I screw it all up?
I am worried that I will never be the woman I want to be.

So I found this blog from November on my xanga today….I was reading and kinda smiled to myself because how much my attitudes have changed since then...I've been through a lot these past few months...a lot of things that have made me stronger, and I'm pretty happy about it.

I’m not worried about being alone forever…even if I don’t get married, I have great friends and I will make even more new friends when I move this year, so really I’ll never be totally alone, ya know?

I’m still slightly worried about moving across the state all by myself…but in the past few weeks this peace has just come over me, and I’m actually more excited about it than anything.

I’m not worried about being out of school…I’m going to have so much to do. I’m pretty sure I’m going to try to get a little part time job at night to help me out financially, so I’m going to be totally busy.

I’m not ugly. I’m beautiful. Right now. I don’t have to lose any weight to be beautiful. (although I still want to for other reasons. lol)

Seriously…It’s life...I’ve been living for twenty years…I can do it. Sure, I’ll make some mistakes along the way, but nothing that can’t be overcome.

In a lot of ways…I already am the woman I want to be. I’m not perfect, and I still have a long way to go but growing is a process and although I don’t ever want to stop growing and maturing, I choose to be content with who I am right at this very second.

Stimulating the Economy....

So the President is supposed to sign the economic stimulus plan into law this week. I, personally am pretty dang excited. What kinda sucks for college students is that the money may never make it to your pocket because they will re-route it to pay for any government debt that you may have (i.e.—student loans).

So here’s the dealio. If I get the money….I’m not spending it. Not on stuff anyway. I will put it toward this summer’s missions efforts. Or I will save it to help me get an apartment when it’s time. Or I will use it to pay off extra principle on my car, so I can finish my loan on time (I’m about 3 months behind and $600 would put me right on time…how convenient). My point is, I want to spend mine responsibly…instead of stimulating the economy, I would like to stimulate my economy, as selfish as that may sound.

All I’m saying is that America as a whole is a society FULL of debt. I use plastic to buy stuff we KNOW we can’t pay off anytime soon. So instead of paying $200 for a new…table and chairs [sorry, it's the only example i could think of] for our kitchen, we end up paying like $100 extra, or more. When if we would just be smart with our money we could have waited a little while, bought the table and chairs later, and then in the long run had a hundred extra dollars to spend on something else. If you want to stimulate the economy in the long run, stop charging all the time, unless you can pay it off right away. (unless it’s a super-emergency…which can and does happen on occasion).

Of course huge-ticket purchases, like cars and houses don’t really apply to this…I mean after all I have a car loan myself. But even at that, if those were the only debt every person had—we’d all be in good shape. Credit card companies? Mabye not so much, but whatever, it’s all good.

That’s kind of the same way I’m looking at this whole economic stimulus thing. I want to spend $600 extra dollars on paying of extra on my car loan, so my car will be paid off sooner. THEN I’m going to start saving money so that the next car I buy will be a NEW, foreign something or other that has incredible gas mileage and will last me like forever. See? Great plan, I know. I’m excited. And in 12 months, of saving the money I would normally have spent on my car payment, I’d have $1200. If I could get my old car to last 4 more years (which is probably possible) I would have a $5000 down payment for a new car. That would be like…25-30% down payment instead of the traditional 10-ish. SWEET. Can you say, low monthly payments? heck yeah.

Anyway, while your pockets are temporarily bulging from fun new money this May (which is even more fun because you won’t have to pay taxes on it), use your brain and spend it wisely. Have fun with it if you want, but don’t spend a $1000 because you have $600. Spend what you have and be thankful you have as much as you do.

haha. Yeah, that wasn't very smart.

So, Monday night I went to my prayer group as normal, it was a good time and we even got out like way early. So it's like 9 o'clock and Bre, and Beccah and I are heading out of the House and we stop and start talking in the parking lot....about an hour later I'm like shivering and we decide it's time to go. It was really warm that day and everythings, so I had worn flipflops which probably didn't help a whole bunch, but it's whatever....So anway, Tuesday I wake up and I feel like POO. I'm achy all over and my throat is sore and I'm starting to get a runny nose.


Dang.


Yeah, so I've been sick all week now, and I have decided it's probably because I stood out in the cold for like an hour with no jacket or real shoes to speak of on. haha. I'm dumb sometimes.


The good news is, however that now that it's the weekend and I don't have to go to work or class, I can actually breathe again. haha. Just my luck, eh?


Anyway....that is all I have to say for now.

Wow.

So last weekend, my mom, grandmas, and I went shopping. It was pretty fun. While my grandmas shopped at the mall, my mom and I went all around town doing different things. We went to Mardel, and I found Hillsong United--All of the Above. I was wanting a new CD and I figured what better. So I bought it....Let me say first of all that the whole CD is AMAZING. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I was driving home to my parents' house from school yesterday and this song called Hosanna came on.


It is such a great song, I wanted to share the lyrics with you.




I see the king of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith

I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna





You know, a lot of people tell us that our generations are the most selfish, undriven generation ever...Although that may be true of some of us, I really think that this generation has a lot of great revolutionaries, and if we will just keep on following God and following what He tells us, great things are going to happen. Our parents, grandparents, and other onlookers may have already given up on our generation, but I truly believe God is not going to do that. Today my prayer is that God will " Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have loved me, Break my heart for what is yours, Everything I am for your kingdom's cause."