Praying

Life is a whirlwind right now. I've been in Tulsa for about a week and a half, working at Big World...Quite possibly loving it twice as much as I ever have before. Seriously--it's amazing. Turns out, I'm going to Panama in July, like 2 days after I get back to the country from Peru. I'm totally stoked, and kinda nervous. lol. It's complicated.

My best friend is getting married next weekend. I'm SOOO excited. I'm sitting here, planning the bachelorette party. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be way fun. :) (hopefully) I can't wait. :) Amber's going to be a great bride and I'm sure their wedding is going to be beautiful! awww.


Oh and ALSO...I kinda found out about this place to live. And before I went to see it, I was totally conviced it wasn't what I wanted. Then I saw it, and I was totally sure I wanted to move in ASAP. Then I started crunching numbers, and realized I couldn't afford the rent for the next two months with no income. So....I had to call her today and (sadly) tell her, I just couldn't make it work, ut that if there was another opening in August or so, to give me a call. THEN she told me that she'd call me back on Monday and see if we could work it out. So now, I'm kinda back at square one, because there are a lot of good things about this place and then a few drawbacks as well. I'm so horrible at making decisions! lol


I also have some other news of the more serious/spiritual sort to post again soon. I'll try to do it early next week.

I'm so sad.

Today is one of those melancholy sort of days where the whole world just seems like it vomited all over you. Tragedies are all around. Things don't work out the way you planned...I just can't seem to handle it today.

and even though I know I really have so much....it feels like all I have is Jesus.




All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord.
All I need is You...

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord.
All I need is you.

Words

I have so much to say. . .


and yet I don't quite know what to say....






This is all I know--God is Good.

Well...this is new.

Um.

I'm heading to Tulsa tomorrow. I feel really sad.

I would have to say that today is the first time that I've followed my dream, and my calling anywhere and absolutely dreaded it.

I mean, always when I've left home it's just been for the summer, just for a few weeks, just for a month, but this time it seems more permanent. More official.

Maybe my mom's emotional state since graduation has affected me more than I realize. But seriously--I'm only going to be gone for a week and a half, then I'll be back for like a whole week or two. It's not that big of a deal.

I guess really what is bugging me is the sense of unpreparedness.

I mean, I'm heading to Tulsa and I won't have a paying job until September.

Which means I need to start looking for a job.

I am living with friends for a bit--but I need an apartment.

Which is a little added stress because if I'm going to be gone for a month or even just 2 weeks in July, I will be unable to afford rent for that month

...so do I just wait until August to get an apartment?

Where will I live until then? Will I find a job soon? Will my car start giving me trouble again or will it be okay? Will I be able to find a nice-ish apartment in my budget? Will my projected budget be enough to live off of?


Ugh. The "real world" is a scary place. :-/

Life.

Yesterday I attended my last college lecture. Wow. It's totally surreal and well--crazy.

Finals started today--I don't have any until tomorrow though so I'm doing homework and packing and stuff. It's really nice, I got to sleep in this morning and I worked for a while, now it's time to get cracking on other things though. I have figured my grades for classes and stuff...and I could fail every single one of my finals and still pass all of my classes (with Bs and Cs no less). That makes it really tempting to not study at all, but I probably still will. But it's just nice to know. Takes a lot of stress off and now I can just enjoy this, my last week of college.

This week, my advisor and her husband (who is the dean of our college here at the University) hosted a little get together because one of our Spanish professors is leaving and the first class of Spanish majors is graduating. It was really fun to just hang out with my friends and stuff. :) Oh and at the party, they gave me my honors medal that I'm supposed to wear at gradation. YAY! I'm so happy.

I have been really introspective lately, about how much good (and bad) college has done for me. And it seems like even the bad things that have come from college have ultimately brought about good in my life--growing up, learning to stand up for myself, learning to cherish my friends and relationships more, learning how to rely on God more fully, and learning to fight my battles; not alone but with His help....College has been great. I'm honestly kind of not really sad to be leaving though, because I know that I have a whole new set of adventures waiting for me when I get to Tulsa. I can't wait to see all the places that God takes me.

Also--my leg is getting better, which is way exciting. Apparently the meds I'm on though can thin your skin really bad, so I'll only be taking them for another week at which point I have to stop for at least a month. I hope things continue to improve with that though. :)


Yay. Life is good.