Reflecting

I went to a conference this weekend. At said conference I was told that part of the problem with our lives feeling so crazy is that we don't take the time to sit back and reflect on what is going on in our lives. It's like eating, eating, eating, without ever letting yourself go through the digestion process. I'm not going to say that I'm going to try to journal or blog every day or anything, but honestly what they said seems to make sense so I'm going to try to be more consistent.

I am currently in my last semester of regular classes before going out to do my student teaching. I'm crazy excited. So much so that I'm finding myself with a good old case of senioritis. Somehow I've managed to stay motivated enough to stay just on top of my coursework and job responsibilities, but for the most part I'm highly unmotivated.

Although, maybe it is best to note that un-motivated to me really just means "inappropriately motivated". I've had plenty of time to think up possible scenarios in which I work all summer, and somehow miraculously have enough money to support myself through student teaching. I also have been thinking about where I want to go to church when I move. Where I will student teach, how that will work out. How my dream of actually passing the Spanish OSAT really could come true. You know, other fun stuff. :)

Also this weekend I heard a quote that is kind of changing the way I think about everything. It says "When we fear things, I think we wish for them...every fear hides a wish." Thanks David Mamet for obviously reading my mail. I think this is such an interesting and yet super true assessment. So many times in life, the very things I say I don't want to do because they are "too scary" end up being the things I feel most led by God to do. I'm not saying that in the sense that God is mean and makes us do stuff we don't want to do, I'm saying that in the sense that when you really trust Him he allows you to go through this beautiful process where your greatest fears become your greatest desires and passions in life. I practically ran away from being a teacher when I was in school before because I was terrified of being unfit to help kids learn and grow. I'm still terrified by that prospect and yet I'm convinced nothing in the world will ever be more "right" for me than being a teacher. I'm terrified of other things too, and although I doubt there will be many people reading this, I don't feel comfortable talking about them in a public forum.

So, I guess if you do happen to be reading this, what are you wishing for? :) I hope it's something God-sized and laughably impossible, because that's exactly what I'm afraid of.